Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize