I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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