Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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