my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize