I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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