UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize