I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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