"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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