STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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