My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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