My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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