I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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