they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize