I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
