ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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