i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize