Just fell off a train. Bad.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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