and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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