dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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