lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize