It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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