i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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