So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize