You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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