I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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