She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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