just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize