yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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