Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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