i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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