Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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