He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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