can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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