i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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