I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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