Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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