Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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