Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize