What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I touched a dick in church today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize