I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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