I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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