Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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