I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize