we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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