He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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