1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize