Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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