the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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