my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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