All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Two words: nipple clamps
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