he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize