Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize